Identity and Conflict

What is Identity? When you really think about it, all that identity is, is a comparison of yourself to someone else. Even when you say (sorry I'm in Modern Knowledge and the Self right now) things that are immaterial like that your strong willed, corageous, a free thinker, etc. your simply making comparisons of yourself to other people. So obviously, no matter what happens, identity will always be a huge cause of conflict. When speaking with Gender, however, I believe that identity and conflict can be changed. As we've seen over the course of history, the way a woman should be has changed dramatically. Are they still completely equal to men or anything like that? Statistics would overwhelmingly show that they are not. However, a lot of women have really made a lot of progress with being treated equally throughout the last 100 years. And in doing so, I believe that it has caused a sort of identity conflict. What makes a woman a woman? (speaking gender not sex of course) And why is it that there is a distinction between a "girlie-girl" and let's say a "manly girl?" (ie a girl that can play sports, is smart, and is an "I don't need a man to make all the money" kind of girl)